Wigging Out

The Vampire Diaries

Season 4 episode 4 "The Five"

Dear Diary,

Through feverish eyes and disgusting germs, did I watch the world of the Vampire Diaries this week. So there is a very slight possibility that I'm not sure whether what I saw was real or my imagination.

Elijah showed up this early in the season, so you understand why I'm afraid that this all might have just been in my head. But I digress.

If the five hunky, hunky shirtless men standing in a circle getting superman hunter powered tattoos from lightening as they tried to summon Captain Planet was wrong, then I'm not sure that I want to be right.

Because this episode was so right. Great even. Awesome sauce some would say, ok I'm getting carried away, it was good but I'm partial to flashbacks, costume parties, Jeremy Gilbert, badass vampire hunters and the aforementioned Original Vampire showing his pretty, pretty face, so I guess I would have been good if everything else was terrible anyway. Luckily it wasn't. Or was it. What show was I watching again? Cold Medicine. Cookie Monster. Let's continue.

A rip, roaring good time

I would like to use the start of this recap/review thing to issue an official warning and apology to the students of Whitmore College.

Start saying goodbye to loved ones, draw up a will, hunker down with in basement somewhere with a whole bunch of supernatural weaponry and all the vervain you can carry because by the end of season 5 (yeah they're not cancelling this, I'm calling it) I'm so very, very sorry but most of you will either be dead, undead or have discovered some sort of mystical ability or destiny that you never knew you had but can be explained through a series of flashbacks.

Them's the brakes, kids. The Mystic Falls teens and friends are coming for you, starting now.

Bonnie, last seen magical less and despondent over re-killing her grandmother had been summoned to the campus by a Professor Shane, who had taken over Jasmine Guy's classes and proceeded to go through all her stuff.

Damon and Elena decided that this trip would be the perfect opportunity to learn how to snatch, drink and erase so she doesn't keep doing things like TRYING TO KILL MATT. Just because I'm sick doesn't mean I forget.

So Bonnie went an chatted up the young teacher who looks like he drinks purple nurples while throughout the day Damon tried to teach Elena the finer art of snacking without permission, which I'll gloss over quickly cause its icky and will bring back memories of Caroline and Andie and cause me to ramble and rant and take me totally off point so they look at all their costumes aren't they pretty (Though if Damon had wanted to go as a true Ripper, he should have dressed up as Giles.)  

Damon's blood getting lesson is simple: stoners to hot, geeky girls to cold, blondes and frat boys just right.

It's at the Murder House party  that night that Elena finally loses her inhabitations and really start to enjoy this whole vampire thing with Damon is right there to enjoy it with her. This leads to another steamy musical moment between Elena and the eldest Salvatore right before Bonnie comes back and shoots judgement daggers at them with her eyes.

They like to dance Bonbon, chill.

The moment was over though and Elena, upset over giving into her blood lust and into her other kind of lust, was right back at hating her afterlife once again. If only her boyfriend knew away to get her humanity back...

The Sword and the Brawn

Oh wait maybe he does. Yes that's right book fans and haters of blood drinkers and fun there could be a cure for vampirism somewhere out there.

It seems that the brotherhood of the five (our friends at the episodes start) many moons ago were given a visible than invisible tattoo map that can only be deciphered by a decoder ring found in ancient cereal boxes or on their swords and which according to legend or Rebekah who is a legend (see what I did there) leads to a "weapon" or cure that will turn any Vampire back into a human being.

Yay?

Um maybe, not, no. That's probably not a good thing. And I don't imagine many of the other characters will feel the same way. Yes, Elena and Stefan might want to grow old and wrinkly with Klaus's blessing but I'm sure if it came down to it be all or nothing. The original hybrid may not be so keen about losing his vampiric edge.

Now this is only my idea, I have no idea what is going to happen but I'd like to think that there is a "sun and moon stone" style twist coming with the cure, because what would the vampire diaries be without the vampires?

Again MY IDEA, I know nothing, this is guessing, no spoilers, don't get mad-
What if the witch who did the spell was really sneaky and is the "cure" is basically bait to get the vampires to help find and use the weapon that would wipe them all out. Imagine it, vampires from all over the world fighting to get this mystical cure only to discover psych, it’s your downfall.

What makes this storyline so exciting is that anything could happen. There are a million possibility or paths that the writers could go down that would be equally awesome. At this point we could finish the season having cured the wrong vampire, started a civil war amongst the ghost watchers, killed off a line of potential slayers and have half the cast living in a shoe behind a bar in Bon Temp. Ok maybe not the last one, but you know what I mean, the goings getting good.

Hybrids, what are they good  for...Absolutely nothing.

Now the rest of the episode:

-      Stefan learns from Damon that Connor is still alive.

-       Stefan goes to confront Klaus who has just finished off another part of his sister’s self-esteem in an attempt to get her help with something.

-       Connor is strapped to a wooden torture thing in the middle of Klaus’s living room. No-one is in a hurry to get him down. We thank them for that. The man is buff.

-       There is lots of talking and plotting and more compulsion than poor April’s brain can probably handle at this point.

-        Two originals and Stefan eat another fancy dinner. Klaus is mean, Rebekah is sad. Stefan can name a million another people he would rather be eating dinner with. I’m sure one of them is Elijah.

-        Flashbacks ensue.

-        It seems poor Rebekah has always had tragic taste in men. At least she didn’t have to buy Alexander a truck.

-        Klaus has kidnapped Jeremy and stolen his magic bling. I shout to leave Jeremy alone, nobody listens.

-        Jeremy draws the tattoo that graces Connors beautiful, beautiful arm as they talk about how Connor was chosen and Jeremy’s potential slayerhoodem. He doesn’t know why this happened to him. I have violent flashbacks to a season of potential slayers and have to take a moment to recover.

-        I’m still a little out of it at this point and am finding it hilarious that this episode is season 4 episode 4 and is called “The Five” I get over that quickly.

-       We learn that the tattoo is a key to a map to a path to a meadow where they have to walk three hundred paces and turn anti-clockwise while singing loudly. Riley Poole is somewhere thinking "Why can't they just say - go to this place and here is the treasure; spend it wisely?"

-       Klaus wants the sword. Rebekah knows where it is. Stefan tricks Rebekah. We say goodbye to Rebekah again for awhile. I am kind of hating Stefan at this point.

-       Klaus takes off for Italy and makes Stefan pinkie swear to make sure no one remembers anything about the cure and that he keeps it a secret.

-     Connor still chained up in the red room of pain bites the piecing out of a hybrid minions ear and uses it to pick his locks and unchain himself. He then proceeds to behead said minion with those chains, therefore earning himself a place in the “Sam Winchester hall of badass vampire beheadings.”

-      Connor then goes to his “friends” house to ask why he never called once he got to Mystic Falls-the happiest town on earth. Oh yeah the friend is Bonnie’s Professor Shane. Mind Blown.

That’s it for “The Five” I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did and could make sense of  my flu-ridden rambling mess above.

Until next episode, if you’re going on a feeding frenzy at a Murder House remember to take some wipes for your mouth. It’s only manners.

Hanniebee